Rejected by Her Majesty

The Queen is giving me the silent treatment: Her Majesty has not bothered to react to my suggestion that she give her art collection as a present to the nation to celebrate her sixty years on the throne.

This probably means that I am unlikely to be knighted for this idea. Shame. I liked the sound of "Sir David".

On Attacking Iran II

Last week’s question brought many comments: nearly all opposing an Israeli strike against Iranian nuclear sites. Many just said no without explaining why. Others gave reasons.

I was somewhat puzzled by the comment that Israel had no moral case as it had “acquired nuclear weapons clandestinely and so lacks the moral authority to act against other nations that do the same.” Unlike Iran, Israel has never threatened any other state with eradication. Is self-defence not good enough moral authority?

In the whirlpool of psychological warfare on the Iranian nuclear programme, it is important to note that senior heads and former heads of Israel’s Mossad and other Israeli security services have spoken out against an Israeli attack.

Interestingly, troublemakers nowadays do not seem to make clear demands. I do not recall any demands made by Al-Qaida, nor has Iran named its demands. I wonder what would have happened if Iran would have announced to the world that were Israel to go back to the 1967 borders it would dismantle its nuclear facilities. It would give Iran a great climb-down with brownie points almost everywhere.

Well, Mr. Ahmadinejad, worth trying? Please note that this is my second piece of retainer-free advice to Ahmadinejad this year (see my blog on 11 January).

Should Israel Attack Iran?

Iran has on many occasions made it clear that the State of Israel should not and will not exist for much longer. They have supplied their proxies on Israel's borders, the Hamas and Hezbollah, with weapons and they now have a nuclear weapons programme that they will not give up.

We are currently in the midst of an increasingly heated psychological warfare campaign and disinformation effort of which it is impossible to make sense. However, it appears that Israel has failed in its attempts to prevent Iran from developing its nuclear capability.

Although, the idea of a nuclear Iran makes many very uncomfortable, the only country that is openly and aggressively being threatened by Iran is Israel.

There is some similarity to 1967, when Nasser moved his army into the Sinai, threw out the UN peacekeepers, closed the straits of Tiran and declared that finally Israel would be annihilated.

Should Israel go out on a pre-emptive strike?

The Queen and I

It has been reported that the British government is pushing a plan to buy a new yacht for the Queen as a present to celebrate her 60^th anniversary on the throne. Prince Charles – not surprisingly – is all for it.

The Queen does not have to try to be popular – she is popular. She is generally liked as well as respected by her subjects. But, if the Queen would take my advice, instead of that of her ministers, she would be doing the right thing. Right for her and right for us.

Instead of getting the taxpayers or some rich sponsors to buy her a yacht, the Queen should make a substantial present to us, to her subjects, to show her gratitude for being allowed to reign over us.

What I want is the Royal Collection: 7000 painting, 40,000 water colours and drawings and 150,000 old master prints. That is all. This enormous art collection is not privately owned by the Queen but held by her in trust, as the sovereign. So, it would not really cost her or her children anything.

The time has come for all those works of art to be openly and freely available to everyone. They should not be locked in the royal residences and only shown occasionally and partially at the Queens Gallery, where the Queen actually charges entrance fees.

So how about it, Ma’am?

Ahmadinejad - Go Green

Recently, several cadets, at the Israeli army’s officers-school walked out of a military ceremony because of the participation of female soldiers in the choir that sang in the ceremony. This – they and their rabbis said – was contrary to Jewish halachic teaching. An ultraorthodox soldier has warned: “We'll find a way to get out of the IDF because it has betrayed us." As it is, thousands of ultra-orthodox get out of serving in the army through an exemption clause that allows them not to serve provided they are full time yeshiva students. This option is not given to any other group in Israel.

Orthodox Students, who do enlist, organised a petition addressed to the IDF’s Chief of Staff in which they warned, "Anti-religious commands create an impossible reality for a religious soldier after which, the future remains unknown."

Now, Mr Gaffni, a senior orthodox Member of Parliament has advised ultra orthodox Israelis not to enlist because “the army will turn you into a different person.” If the army wants to enlist the ultra-orthodox, he said, “it must adjust itself to accommodate their beliefs.”

I had always thought that agitating against enlisting was illegal. I was evidently wrong. Gaffni is right, “the army will turn you into a different person,” it may even get you killed. According to my beliefs, getting killed is even worse than listening to a woman singing. Therefore, I would advise all young Israelis not to enlist.

And a piece of advice to Mr Ahmadinejad: save yourself a lot of money and as an added bonus, get the support of the Greens. To fight the "Zionist enemy", get rid of of your nuclear weapons, just hire some females to sing at Israel's borders. Remember the walls of Jericho?

Lesungen aus "Ist es noch gut, für unser Land zu sterben?" Januar – Februar 2012

Please note the following dates for readings from and discussions about "Ist es noch gut, für unser Land zu sterben?"

Lesungen aus und Diskussionen über "Ist es noch gut, für unser Land zu sterben? werden im Januar und Februar 2012 in den folgenden Städten stattfinden:

Frankfurt 25 Januar

Berlin 26 Januar

Ladenburg 13 Februar

Magdeburg 14 Februar

Halle 15 Februar

Erfurt 16 Februar

Bielefeld 17 Februar

Freiburg 28 Februar

Is Civil War the Only Solution for Israel?

Israel is deteriorating and it is deteriorating fast. In the past, intransigent Israeli prime ministers such as Golda Meir or Yitzhak Shamir used prevarication as a strategy to put off a compromise with the Arabs. Now this could be the cleverest option for the Palestinians: hold out for a bit longer and the Zionist experiment will implode.

The extreme right has been permitted to thrive under consecutive Israeli administrations ever since 1967 (and that includes much to Israel’s shame, Labour party administrations). Yesterday, yet another peak was reached when right wing settler activists attacked an Israeli army-base in the occupied West Bank. They threw rocks, burned tires and vandalised military vehicles. A senior IDF officer was hit in the head by a rock thrown at him by one of the Jewish terrorists.

Jewish settlers have been terrorising Palestinians for many years. Occasionally, when they feel that they do not get enough support from the army for their outrageous behaviour, they attack the army.

Is it possible that civil war is the only solution that will save Israel? We are unlikely to find out, as the left of centre in Israel will not really go all the way.

France and her Prostitutes

French parliamentarians have a habit of dealing with the truly important issues: In 1913, they lengthily discussed the colour of their soldiers’ trousers and rejected the suggestion to issue French soldiers with camouflage coloured trousers. No dull colours for French soldiers. They should appear on the battlefield in bright red trousers. “Le pantalon rouge c’est la France” was the explanation given by the War Minister. Now, as Europe is descending into what may become war-like chaos, the French parliament had nothing better to do than pass a decision on what French men should do when they take off their red or other coloured trousers: under a new law, clients of prostitutes are to be criminalised and prosecuted.

With London disconnecting from the Continent again, we could offer frustrated French males some …what’s the French word for massage?

Bernhard Meinhof at the Grand Canyon

They started a conversation on the shuttle from the park's visitor centre to the top of the trail. It was clear that they had just met on the bus. He was American, she was Russian and he spoke about the "Red Army of Bernhard Meinhof Gang". She had not heard of the Bernhard Meinhof Gang and so he continued: They were Germans and they liked East Germany. Carlos the Jackal was part of it. They attracted mainly supermodel type girls who only wanted to sunbathe when they went to training camps to help the Palestinians.

She was not that interested in his story but she did want her photo taken at almost every rock on the trail. For that purpose, she posed with her hair flung out in various reclining positions in numerous spots overlooking the Canyon. Occasionally she would shriek something that she must have heard in Russian versions of romantic Italian trash.

By the time they reached the first stop, he already had his arm around her. Soon thereafter they were kissing. A few hours later, on the way back, he was vomiting.

Questions:

1. Is bringing up Baader-Meinhof (or his version:Bernhard Meinhoff) a proven chat-up line?

2. Did he play sick to get her to play nurse?

3. Does the Russian girl need an immigration visa?

4. Did she poison him in order to play nurse to prove her long-term value?

F****** on Amtrak

A couple of months ago, I took a train from Los Angeles to San Juan Capistrano. Two friendly-faced young black men were talking quietly in their seats across the aisle. At some point the not so young white woman who sat in front of me called across the aisle “excuse me, please do not use that word.” And just in case it was not clear, she called out the letters “F-U-C-K”.

The word fuck was not even used as a swear word in their conversation and the black young men looked at her with some bemusement.

"Why do you object to the word?” I asked. “I am an English teacher” was her response. “Yes?” I said. “This is not a nice word” was her explanation. “Fucking is a word for something rather nice, actually” I said “don’t you think?” This was too much for the lady; she got up and said, “I am getting the train supervisor.”

A few minutes later, she returned with the ticket collector who asked the black men to refrain from using blasphemous language on the train. “You must also tell him,” the white moral authority said pointing at me and the ticket collector told me to please behave on the train. Blasphemous language should not be used on the train, I was told, not even in private conversations. I asked about my rights under the First Amendment, and whether they do not allow me to say fuck on the train. But the ticket collector said no, adding that she did have the authority to instruct me.