Friday, 26 May 2017

5th Letter to J.K.

Dear Jared,

According to the papers, you are in trouble and I hope that you appreciate the fact, that I do not cut and behave as if I don’t know you.

The right lawyers will probably get you out of it. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to make you change your ways. You will feel even more invincible.

You should have listened to me. What was wrong with just being a quite rich boy? But you were greedy and at the end you will fall.

So much for today. You probably don’t have time to read long letters.


PS: Do you think that, that s.o.b., I mean Steven Bannon had his fingers in getting you investigated?

The Commander in Chief vs. Germany

„The Germans are evil, very evil “, Trump is reported to have said a couple of days ago. For a moment I thought, that his visit to Israel’s Holocaust memorial Yad Vashem, two days before, was still haunting him. But Trump, explained, "Look at the millions of cars they sell in the U.S. We'll stop that."

Here is Trump’s note after his visit to Yad Vashem.    

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

4th Letter to Jared Kushner

Dear Jared,

It’s a funny relationship that we have: me writing and you not responding, but I do appreciate that you have a lot on your plate… Moreover, I owe you an apology. Only a few days ago, I wrote that you have disappeared from the radar. We now all know, that it was the radar alright, only that you were busy selling military radars and other such goodies to Saudi Arabia, to the tune of $110 billion, this year alone. By the way, were the 100 million dollars, that the Saudis have pledged to Ivanka’s fund, agreed in the same arms deal, in which you are reported to have pressurised Lockheed to reduce their prices?

Now, in the old days, Jewish mothers wanted their sons to become doctors – you know, the kind of people who heal the sick and the wounded. The gear that you are dealing with, does sure thing not heal any wounds.  

I am sure that your mother is proud of you. Mothers always are. Mothers of successful sons even more so. Deep down, you know that she has no reason to be proud.

Best regards
From your pen pal David,

The Only Shtetl in the Middle East

Israel likes to refer to itself as the “Only democracy in the Middle-East”, though calling Israel a democracy, somewhat stretches the term. During Trump’s recent visit to Israel, that country has demonstrated what it really is: the only shtetl in the Middle East.

The conduct of Israel’s political A List, was nothing less than parochial. Some ministers at the airport greeting line, offered advice, the Internal security minister reported a fake terrorist attack that was in fact an accident, and a member of Israel’s parliament, who was not even meant to be in the greeting line, forced a selfie on Trump.

Evidently, Bibi Netanyahu is not even able to control his blabbering wife who squeezed herself into a tight red outfit and greeted the Trumps with the message “the people of Israel, unlike the media, they love us, … we have very much in common, we’ll talk about it over dinner.” Infamous for her hysterical outbursts, Bibi’s wife, Sara, could not help herself and inserted a title which is not hers, “First Lady”, in the dinner menu. That title, were it in use in Israel, would have been due to the President’s wife and not the wife of the PM.

Later that evening, Netanyahu and wife apologised for the simplicity of the Prime Minister’s residence and explained to the Trumps, that only due to their visit, a budget to repaint the house was granted. Hoping for a tip perhaps? This should not be ruled out, as Bibi and Sara are well-known “schnorrers”.

Schnorrers, for those who do not know, is Yiddish for beggars or spongers.

Trump and his New Muslim Friends

Having crucified Muslims before and throughout his campaign – and even after taking office, (remember “Donald J trump calls for a complete and total shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country’s representatives can figure out what the hell is going on”), Trump must have concluded that those Muslims who are willing to spend 110 billion dollars on US arms in one year, cannot be that bad. Forget Saudi Arabia’s being the country which gave us the 9-11 bombers, which produced Osama Bin Laden and which exports extremist Islam, wherever it can. As to the Saudi population, I suppose that human rights are not so much Trump’s thing anyway, so why bother about Saudi’s track record there.

So Sunni Muslims are apparently fine. But Trump needs to hate at least some Muslims and so he nominates Iran as the Muslims to hate. This – Trump expects – will pay dividends on the home front: and persuade the Republicans in Congress that he is an asset and that he should not be removed from office. After all, bringing in 350 billion dollars from arms sales to the Saudis, over the next ten years, will make many Republicans happy. Additionally, by going on the “Iran the Evil” trip, he not only buys support of all those Republicans who objected to Obama’s Iran deal, but he also gets the backing of the lobbies supporting the “settlement and continued occupation” government of Israel.

Smart move. Nonetheless, let’s hope he fails.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

The Camel Method is Not a Sexual Position

Practiced by some missionaries, the Camel Method is not about sex.

Developed by Christian missionaries trying to reach Muslims, the Camel Method tries to bring Muslims to Jesus through the Koran itself.  Some of these missionaries will grow beards like Muslims and give up pork in their attempt to reach out to Muslims whom they wish to turn.

CAMEL, by the way, is an acronym that stands for “Chosen Angels Miracles Eternal Life”. 

3rd Letter to Jared Kushner

Dear Jared,

You seem to have disappeared from the radar. Are you simply inundated with the many responsibilities your father-in-law has thrown at you? Or, are you quietly and secretly preparing the coup that will prove to the world that Trump was after all a great choice? Unlikely, but even if you are ­­–against all hope – trying to save ET’s, sorry DT’s presidency, deep in your heart you must know that he must go.

SO – will you collaborate with the team that is preparing the triggering of that one paragraph that opens the door to the removal of a president, who is deemed "unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office."

Just in case you are not sure – it is Section 4 of the 25th amendment.

Trump and Sex Change

Chelsea Manning, who before her sex change, as Bradley Manning, was imprisoned for handing over hundreds of thousands of US confidential documents to Wikileaks, was finally released from jail. President Obama had commuted her sentence from 35 to seven years.

So here’s the deal: For having divulged ultra-sensitive information directly to the enemy, Trump would be given a seven-year prison sentence. He would be entitled to immediate release, as soon as he goes for a sex change operation. He might, of course, find himself subject of his very own pussy-grabbing.